so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
