i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
