he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
