i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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