Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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