i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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