Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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