I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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