thus making me awesome and them whores
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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