so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
