4 words: hood of his car
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
