So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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