So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
