can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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