i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
