Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
