Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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