I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
