Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
