Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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