I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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