I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
