a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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