Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
A+ Viking dick
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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