I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
