Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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