My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
