she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
