Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
