last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You ate ashes out of my bong
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
