She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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