Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
