Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
dude. I can hear the air.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
