Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
