Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
