Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
