If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
