I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
