She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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