my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
