if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
