I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
