Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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