That's intense
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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