You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
