I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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