Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
