matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
