what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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