Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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