I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize