just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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