is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
