Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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