The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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