wat bout pragnant strippers??
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
