before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize