her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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