Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
