it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
