ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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