More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
