he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
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so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
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Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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