Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
