Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
