I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
