watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There's always time for handjobs
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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