I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
