He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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