My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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