Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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