I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
