Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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